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It’s my birthday. I’m 68. I feel like pulling up a rocking chair and dispensing advice to the young ‘uns. Here are 68 pithy bits of unsolicited advice which I offer as my birthday present to all of you.
Transcript: https://kk.org/thetechnium/68-bits-of-unsolicited-advice/
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Kelly argues that a collection of practical, virtue-based principles—from listening and gratitude to embracing mistakes and showing up—compound over a lifetime to create success, wisdom, and a meaningful reputation.
- Small daily habits (like regular investing, prompt showing up, honest ownership of mistakes) compound into substantial life outcomes
- Character and reputation matter more than achievements; what people remember is who you were, not what you accomplished
- Curiosity, generosity, and learning from disagreement unlock other virtues and open opportunities
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A grudge is a curse that affects only the hater, not the hated; release a grudge as if it were poison.
“there is a curse that does not affect the hated it only affects the hater so release a grudge as this as if it was poison”
Separate the process of creation from the process of improvement; don't write and edit simultaneously, don't sculpt and polish at the same time, don't make and analyze together, as criticism paralyzes creation.
“separate the process of creation from improving you can't write and edit or sculpt and polish or make and analyze at the same time if you do the editor stops the creator while you invent don't select while you sketch don't inspect while you're right there straf don't reflect”
Don't be the smartest person in the room; instead, hang out with and learn from people smarter than yourself, and even better, find smart people who disagree with you.
“don't be the smartest person in the room hang out with and learn from people smarter than yourself even better find smart people who will disagree with you”
Learning from people who disagree with you or even offend you involves finding truth in what they believe, not dismissing them outright.
“learn how to learn from those who disagree with you or even offend you see if you can find truth in what they believe”
Everyone is shy; other people are waiting for you to introduce yourself, send them an email, or ask them on a date—take the initiative.
“everyone is shy other people are waiting for you to introduce yourself to them they want you to send them an email they are waiting for you to ask them on a date so go ahead”
When hiring, hire for aptitude and train for skills; most great things have been done by people doing them for the very first time, so potential matters more than experience.
“when hiring hire four aptitude trained for skills most really amazing or great things have been done by people doing them for the very first time”
To make something good, just do it; to make something great, redo it repeatedly—the secret to fine things is in remaking them.
“to make something good just do it to make something great just redo it redo it redo it the secret to making fine things is in remaking them”
Friends are better than money; almost anything money can do, friends can do better in many ways—friendship provides social, emotional, and practical returns that exceed financial value.
“friends are better than money almost anything that money can do friends can do better in so many ways a friend with a boat is better than owning about”
Gratitude unlocks all other virtues and is a skill you can get better at through practice.
“gratitude will unlock all other virtues and is something you can get better at”
When you die, you take absolutely nothing with you except your reputation; before you're old, attend as many funerals as you can bear and listen—people never talk about achievements, only about what kind of person you were.
“when you die you take absolutely nothing with you except your reputation before you are old at as many funerals as you can bear and listen nobody talks about the departed's achievements the only thing people mentioned is what kind of person you were while you were achieving”
To make mistakes is human; to own your mistakes, take personal responsibility, and fix them fairly is divine—ownership is the most elevating response to failure.
“to make mistakes as human to own your mistakes is divine nothing elevates a person higher than quickly admitting and taking personal responsibilities for the mistakes that you make and then fixing them fairly if you mess up fess up it's astounding how powerful this ownership is”
Promptness is a sign of respect; being on time signals that you value the other person's time and attention.
“promptness is a sign of respect”
Treating a person to a meal is a simple, powerful, and reliable way to bond with old friends or make new friends; it never fails.
“treating a person to a meal never fails and is so easy to do it's powerful with old friends and it's a great way to make new friends”
Listening well is a superpower; a form of attention and empathy that creates connection and unlocks information others will not share with you.
“being able to listen well is a superpower”
There is no 'them'—the more interested you are in others, the more interesting they find you; to be interesting, be interested.
“there is no them the more there you are interested in other the more interesting they find you so to be interesting be interested”
No one on their deathbed has ever regretted giving away too much; generosity is aligned with end-of-life priorities and produces no regret.
“no one on their deathbed has ever regretted giving away too much”
Anything real begins with a fiction of what it could be—imagination is the most potent force in the universe and is a skill you can improve.
“anything real begins with a fiction of what it could be imagination therefore is the most potent force in the universe in a skill you can get better at it's the one skill in life that benefits from ignoring what everybody else knows”
Art is in what you leave out—curation and omission are more important than accumulation in creating aesthetic impact.
“art is in what you leave out”
I am positive that much of what I take to be true today will be proved wrong, maybe even in bearer wrong; I try hard to identify what I am wrong about today. Intellectual humility and the expectation of being wrong are foundational to growth.
“I'm positive that in 100 years much of what I take to be true today will be proved to be wrong maybe even in bearer wrong and I try really hard to identify what it is that I am wrong about today”
Perhaps the most counterintuitive truth of the universe is that the more you give to others, the more you'll get—abundance mindset and generosity are self-reinforcing.
“perhaps the most counterintuitive truth of the universe is that the more you give to others the more you'll get understanding that is the beginning of wisdom”
Be prepared that when you are 90% done with any large project (like a house, film, or event), the remaining details will take a second 90% of the time to complete.
“be prepared when you are 90% done any large project like a house a film an event a nap the rest of the myriad details will take on second 90% to complete”
Deadlines prevent perfectionism by forcing prioritization; they cause you to focus on making something different rather than making it perfect.
“always demand a deadline and deadlines weeds out extraneous in the ordinary and that prevents you from trying to make it perfect so you have to make it different different is much better”
Never use a credit card for credit; only acceptable debt is debt taken to acquire something whose value will increase over time, such as a house.
“never use a credit card for credit the only kind of credit or debt that's acceptable is debt to acquire something whose value and will increase over time like a house”
It is hard to cheat an honest man—honesty and integrity serve as protection against deception.
“it is hard to cheat an honest man”
If you're not falling down occasionally, you're just coasting—growth requires risk, and risk entails occasional failure.
“if you're not falling down occasionally you're just coasting”
The purpose of a habit is to remove an action from self-negotiation; once established, you no longer expend energy deciding whether to do it—you just do it.
“the purpose of the habit is to remove that action from self negotiation you no longer expend energy deciding whether to do it you just do it”
In crisis and disaster, don't waste them; crises create pressure that drives progress—no problems, no progress.
“when crisis and disaster strike don't waste them no problems no progress”
Acquiring things will rarely bring deep satisfaction, but acquiring experiences will—material goods pale against experiential memories.
“acquiring things will rarely bring you deep satisfaction but acquiring experiences will”
99% of the time, when you ask a question that sounds stupid, everyone else in the room is thinking the same question but is too embarrassed to ask it.
“don't be afraid to ask a question that may sound stupid because 99% of the time everyone else is thinking of that same question and is too embarrassed to ask it”
You can obsess about serving your customers or obsess about beating competitors; both work, but obsessing about customers will take you much further.
“you can obsess about serving your customers clients audiences or you can obsess about beating the competition both work but of the two obsessing about your customers will take you much further”
Show up, keep showing up—99% of success is just showing up. Consistency and presence are more important than talent or strategy.
“show up keep showing up somebody's successful once said 99% of success is just showing up”
Don't say anything about someone in an email that you would not be comfortable saying directly to them, because eventually they will read it.
“don't say anything about someone in an email that you would not be comfortable saying to them directly because eventually they will read it”
If you desperately need a job, you are just another problem for a boss; but if you can solve many of the problems the boss has right now, you are hired. To be hired, think like your boss.
“if you desperately need a job you are just another problem for a boss but if you can solve many of the problems the boss has right now you are hired to be hired think like your boss”
Don't respond to solicitations or proposals on the phone; the urgency conveyed is a disguise meant to prevent deliberation.
“don't ever respond to a solicitation or proposal on the phone the urgency is a disguise”
Eliminating clutter makes room for your true treasures—physical simplicity creates psychological and aesthetic space.
“eliminating clutter makes room for your true treasures”
Learn how to take a 20-minute power nap without embarrassment; this recovers attention and energy without disrupting evening sleep.
“learn how to take a 20 minute power nap without embarrassment”
The exchange value of most things diminishes or vanishes the moment you purchase them, so you should not go into debt to acquire items that will lose value.
“the exchange value of most things diminishes or vanishes the moment you purchase the so don't be in debt to losers”
Saving money and investing money regularly (small amounts, consistently, for decades) without overthinking is a reliable path to wealth.
“saving money and investing money are good habits small amounts of money invested very regularly for many decades without deliberation is one path to wealth”
The golden rule will never fail you; it is the foundation of all other virtues.
“the golden rule will never fail you it is the foundation of all the other virtues”
Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence; this is a principle for assessing the credibility of assertions and filtering out false or misleading information.
“extraordinary claims should require extraordinary evidence to be believed”
Following your bliss is a recipe for paralysis if you don't know what you're passionate about; a better approach is to master something, anything, and through mastery, you'll drift toward extensions that bring more joy.
“following your bliss is a recipe for paralysis if you don't know what you are passionate about a better motto for most youth is to master something anything through mastery of one thing you can drift towards extensions of that mastery that bring you more joy and eventually you'll discover where your bliss is”
A worthy goal over years is to learn enough about a subject so that you can't believe how ignorant you were a year earlier—this demonstrates the depth of knowledge acquisition.
“a worthy goal for years to learn enough about a subject so that you can't believe how ignorant you were a year earlier”
Professionals are simply amateurs who know how to gracefully recover from their mistakes; mastery is not about flawlessness but about error recovery.
“pros are just amateurs who know how to gracefully recover from their mistakes”
You are what you do, not what you say, believe, or how you vote—your character is revealed by how you spend your time, the action-based, temporal definition of identity.
“you are what you do not what you say not what you believe and not how you vote but what you spend your time on”
When listening to someone you love, keep asking 'is there more' until there is no more; this deepens connection and draws out hidden thoughts.
“while listening to someone you love keep asking them is there more until there is no more”
How to apologize: quickly, specifically, sincerely. Three components executed together create authentic apology.
“how to apologize quickly specifically sincerely”
Over the long term, the future is decided by optimists; to be an optimist, you don't ignore problems but imagine improving your capacity to solve them.
“over the long term the future is decided by optimist to be an optimist you don't have to ignore the many problems we create you have to imagine improving our capacity to solve those problems”
Don't take it personally when someone turns you down; assume they are just like you—occupied, distracted—and try again later; a second attempt often works.
“don't take it personally when someone turns you down assume they are just like you occupied distracted try again later it's amazing how often a second try works”
When an object is lost, 90% of the time it is hiding within arm's reach of where it was last seen; search thoroughly in all possible locations in that radius before assuming it is truly lost.
“when an object has lost none 9 percent of the time it is hiding within arm's reach of where it was last seen so search in all possible locations in that radius and you'll find it”
When someone is nasty, rude, hateful, or mean to you, pretend they have a disease that makes them behave that way; this creates empathy and softens conflict.
“when someone is nasty or rude or hateful or mean with you pretend that they have a disease that makes it easier to have empathy towards them which can often soften the conflict”
Enthusiasm is worth 25 IQ points—an energized, engaged attitude provides cognitive and social advantages equivalent to a significant increment in raw intelligence.
“being enthusiastic is worth 25 IQ points”
The Rule of Three: in conversation, to get to the real reason why something is true, ask a person to go deeper than what they just said, then ask again, and then once more; the third answer is close to the truth.
“rule of three in conversation to get to the real reason ask a person to go deeper than what they have just said then again and then once more the third times answer is close to the truth”
Don't try to be the best; instead, try to be the only—differentiation through uniqueness is more achievable and sustainable than competition on a common dimension.
“don't be the best be the only”
When you find a lost item in your house, don't put it back where you found it—put it back where you first looked for it, so the next time you search, you'll find it immediately.
“if you're looking for something in your house and then you finally find it when you're done with it don't put it back where you found it put it back where you first looked for it”
When you get an invitation to something in the future, ask yourself: would I accept this if it was scheduled for tomorrow? If not, decline it—immediacy reveals true preference.
“when you get an invitation to do something in the future ask yourself would I accept this if it was scheduled for tomorrow mmm not too many promises will pass that immediacy filter”
A vacation plus a disaster equals an adventure—reframing negative events as adventure components makes them positive retrospectively.
“a vacation plus a disaster equals an adventure”
For every dollar you spend purchasing something substantial, expect to pay $1 in repairs, maintenance, or disposal by the end of its life—true ownership cost is double the purchase price.
“for every dollar you spend purchasing something substantial expect to pay $1 in repairs maintenance or disposal by the end of its life”
Buying tools: start with the cheapest tools you can find; upgrade only the ones you use regularly; if you end up using something as a tool frequently, then buy the absolute best you can afford.
“buying tools start with buying the absolute cheapest tools you can find upgrade the ones that you use a lot if you wind up using something as a tool for a job by the very best you can afford”
The universe is conspiring behind your back to make you a success; embrace pronoia—the irrational belief that the world is working in your favor.
“the universe is conspiring behind your back to make you a success this would be much easier to do if you embrace this pronoia”
When you're young, spend at least 6 months to 1 year living as poor as you can—owning as little as possible, eating beans and rice in a tiny room or tent—to inoculate yourself against fear of worst-case scenarios.
“when you're young spend at least six months to one year living as poor as you can owning as little as you possibly can eating beans and rice in a tiny room or tent to experience what your worst life style may be that way when you have something in the future that you want at risk you won't be afraid of the worst-case scenario”
Rule of 7: you can find out almost anything if you're willing to go seven levels deep. When the first source doesn't know, ask them who to ask next, and continue to the seventh source; you will almost always get your answer.
“rule of 7 and research you can find out almost anything if you're willing to go seven levels if the first source you ask doesn't know then you ask them who you should ask next and so on down the line if you're willing to do that to the seventh source you will almost always get your answer”
On vacation, go to the most remote place on your itinerary first, bypassing the cities; this maximizes the shock of otherness in the remote location and allows you to reacclimate to familiar comforts on the way back.
“on vacation go to the most remote place on your itinerary first bypassing the cities you'll maximize the shock of other nough sin the remote and then later you'll welcome the familiar comforts of a city on the way back”
There is no limit on better, but there is no limit on how much you can do with what you start with—resourcefulness and creativity compound without bound.
“there is no limit on better town is unevenly distributed but there is no limit on how much we can do with what we start with”
Good habits can range from telling the truth to flossing; the content varies, but the cognitive function (removing decision) remains constant.
“good habits can range from telling the truth to flossing”
Never get involved in a land war in Asia—a reference to the principle that some undertakings are strategically unwinnable.
“never get involved in land war in Asia”
Optimize your generosity—give strategically and consciously, not impulsively, to maximize the positive impact of your gifts.
“optimize your generosity”
If you lose or forget to bring a cable, adapter, or charger while traveling, check with your hotel; most hotels maintain a drawer of cables and chargers left behind by previous guests, and you'll likely find what you need.
“if you lose or forget to bring a cable and adapter or charger check with your hotel most hotels have a drawer full of cables and doctors and chargers that others have left behind and probably have the one that you want”