STOP Playing Life on HARD MODE! | Shane Parrish

Self-accountability means taking responsibility for your abilities, your inabilities, and your actions; if you can't do that, you might never move forward.

“self-accountability means taking responsibility for your abilities your inabilities and your actions if you can't do that you might never move forward”

You might not have someone in your life who holds you accountable externally, but that doesn't matter because you can hold yourself accountable, and external rewards are optional—your honest judgments about yourself are more important than anyone else's.

“you might not have someone in your life who holds you accountable but that doesn't matter you can hold yourself accountable others might not expect more from you but you can expect more from yourself external rewards are nice but they're optional you don't need them to do your best your honest judgments about yourself are more important than anyone else's”

When people without self-accountability screw up, they try to blame other people, circumstances, or bad luck rather than taking responsibility; they assume nothing is ever their fault.

“they don't take responsibility for their mistakes instead they always try to blame other people circumstances or bad luck nothing is ever their fault”

In undifferentiated work like ditch digging, the only way to move more dirt is to dig for longer—slight variations in soil moved per hour are barely perceptible, and work is indistinguishable from the person next to you.

“imagine a team of ditch diggers working with their hands a slight variation in the amount of soil mov per hour is barely perceptible your work is indistinguishable from the person next to you the only way to move more dirt is to dig for longer within this Paradigm”

When you screw up, you should be strong enough to look in the mirror and say 'this was my fault, I need to do better'—this requires owning your mistakes rather than deflecting.

“when you screw up you should be strong enough to look in the mirror and say this was my fault I need to do better”

The world's most successful individuals have an uncanny ability to be in the right place at the right time, and this is not due to luck but rather to their positioning—they rarely find themselves backed into corners by circumstances.

“why do the world's most successful individuals have an uncanny ability to be in the right place at the right time it turns out that it's not luck it's positional they are rarely backed into a corner by circumstances”

If you do what everyone else does, you will get the same results everyone else gets; the social rewards for going with the crowd are felt long before the benefits of going against it are gained, which creates a temporal mismatch that makes nonconformity costly in the short run.

“if you do what everyone else does you will get the same results everyone else gets the social rewards for going with the crowd are felt long before the benefits of going against it are gained”

When a ditch digger takes time off to experiment with and invent a shovel, they appear foolish because they look like they're taking a risk while their cumulative production falls behind—but only when the shovel arrives do others see its advantage, revealing that success requires shamelessness.

“the ditch digger who takes a week off to experiment and invent the shovel seems crazy not only do they look like a fool for taking a risk but their cumulative production falls behind for every day they're not digging so only when the shovel comes along do others see its advantages success requires shamelessness”

Putting yourself in a good position means sleeping well, eating a healthy breakfast, not arguing with family members, and studying in the days leading up to a test—all controllable factors that directly affect performance.

“putting yourself in a good position for the test means sleeping well eating a healthy breakfast not arguing with your brother and of course studying in the days leading up to the test all the things that you control”

People have been taught their whole life to follow rules but have never been taught how to use rules to their advantage—by creating automatic rules, you can convert desired behavior into default behavior.

“we've been taught our whole life to follow rules but we've never been taught how to use rules to our advantage”

While there is sometimes embedded wisdom in the crowd, mistaking the comfort of collective agreement for evidence that what you're doing will lead to better results is nothing more than a convenient lie.

“while there is sometimes embedded wisdom in the crowd mistaking the comfort of the collective for evidence that what you're doing will lead to better results is nothing more than a convenient lie”

You can also use rules to do more of the things you want, not just avoid bad things; for example, the rule 'I work out every day' shifts the internal negotiation from 'should I work out today?' to 'when and how do I fit this in?'

“the way around this negotiation with yourself is to work out every day the conversation in your head goes from should I work out today to when and how do I fit this in”

The best in the world make consistently good decisions because they rarely find themselves forced into a decision by circumstances; they almost always operate from a position of strength.

“one reason the best in the world make consistently good decisions is they rarely find themselves forced into a decision by circumstances they almost always operate from a position of strength”

The most effective way to enhance decision-making is by starting from a position of strength with a proven framework and practical strategies rather than attempting to make optimal decisions while in a compromised position.

“the most effective way to enhance your decision-making is by starting from a position of strength with a proven framework and practical strategies”

Doing something different means you might underperform in the short term, but it also means you might change the game entirely; the key is to create positive deviation from the norm.

“doing something different means you might underperform but it also means you might change the game entirely the key is to create positive deviation”

You don't need to be smarter than others to outperform them if you can out-position them; anyone looks like a genius when they're in a good position and even the smartest person looks like an idiot when they're in a bad one.

“you don't need to be smarter than others to outperform them if you can outpos them anyone looks like a genius when they're in a good position and even the smartest person looks like an idiot when they're in a bad one”

Often people focus on making the best decision in the moment and forget to consider whether they are operating from a position of strength or weakness, which is a critical oversight because the position you're in determines the quality of decisions available to you.

“we often think about making the best decision possible in the moment and forget about whether we're operating from a position of strength or weakness”

Over the long run, the average person who constantly puts themselves in a good position beats the genius who finds themselves in a poor position, showing that what looks like talent is often good positioning.

“it's hard to appreciate that over the long run the average person who constantly puts themselves in a good position beats the genius who finds themsel in a poor position what looks like Talent is often good positioning”

Beyond automatic rules, there are other practical and easy ways to change behavior, such as joining groups whose default behaviors are your desired behaviors—if you want to read more, join a book club; if you want to run more, join a running club—so your chosen environment rather than your willpower alone will nudge you toward best choices.

“there's a host of other examples in the book like joining groups whose default behaviors are your desired behaviors if you want to read more join a book club if you want to run more join a running club your chosen environment rather than your willpower alone will help nudge you towards the best choices”

When trying to avoid desserts, relying on willpower puts you in a vulnerable position because social pressure from friends will convince you to make an exception, but if you establish an automatic rule like 'I don't eat dessert,' you dramatically reduce the pressure because people treat rules differently than individual willpower decisions.

“whenever you're faced with a situation where you have to say no to Desert you're relying on your willpower your friends and your colleagues will convince you that it's a celebration to join them just this once or you can start tomorrow the social pressure is real and it makes it hard to do the things that you want to do but there's a way around this your best self can create automatic rules for these situations before you face them your rule can be I don't eat dessert and when your friends say let's have dessert all you have to say is I don't eat dessert it's a rule and they'll suddenly apply a lot less pressure to you”

The way to move around ego-driven reasoning is to switch your focus from how you feel to the outcome; Parrish encapsulates this with the saying 'outcome over ego' as a healthy reminder.

“the way to move around this is to switch your feelings to the outcome I encapsulated this with a saying outcome over ego it's a healthy reminder that you need to focus on the outcome and not how you feel”

When a child performs poorly on a test and claims 'I did my best,' they typically mean they answered the questions in front of them to the best of their ability in that moment, but they misunderstand that 'doing your best' is actually about the position you put yourself in before the test—sleep, nutrition, study, and other controllable factors.

“one of my kids got a really poor grade on a test one day as he handed it to me he looked at me Shrugged his shoulders and said I did my best and I knew that wasn't the moment to have a conversation with him about what it means to do your best so I waited a little bit later on that night we talked about what he meant was that when the paper the test was in front of him he focused on the questions and answered them to the best of his ability what he didn't understand is that doing your best is often about the position you put yourself in before you take the test”

Parrish had a friend who had a work idea that would have solved a problem and was his own idea, but it wasn't the best idea available, and he spent significant time and energy trying to prove how right he was, prioritizing ego over the outcome.

“over coffee he shared an idea that he had at work to solve a problem now the problem and the details of that aren't really important what's important is the idea would have worked it would have solved the problem another thing to note is that it was his idea the complicating Factor here is that it wasn't the best idea and he was having a hard time let that go he was spending a lot of time and energy trying to prove how right he was”

Everyone makes mistakes or misremembers things, but we still want to feel right all the time, so we channel inordinate amounts of energy proving to others and ourselves that we're right, becoming less concerned with outcomes and more concerned with protecting our ego.

“of course we can't be right about everything all the time everyone makes mistakes or misremembers some things but we still want to feel right all the time and ideally get other people to reinforce that feeling hence we Channel inordinate amounts of energy to proving to others and ourselves that we're right when this happens we're less concerned with outcomes and more concerned with protecting our ego”

By not controlling the factors within your power, you put yourself in a worse position—like choosing to play life on hard mode—a choice that people unconsciously make through lack of exercise, poor sleep, neglecting relationships, not preparing for meetings, and taking on too much debt.

“he hadn't done any of that and by not doing the things in his control he put himself in a worse position it's like he chose to play Life on hard mode and we do the same thing we put ourselves in poor positions when we don't exercise we don't sleep we don't invest in our relationship with our partners we don't prepare for the meeting we take on too much debt and countless other ways”

There's always something you can do in the moment today to better your position tomorrow; even if you can't solve the whole problem, your next action will make the situation better or worse, and there's always some action you control, however tiny, that helps you achieve progress.

“there's always something you can do in the moment today to better your position tomorrow you might not be able to solve the problem but your next action will make the situation better better or worse there's always an action you control however tiny that helps you achieve progress”

Working out every day doesn't mean going to the gym for an hour every day; it might mean reducing the scope or duration (e.g., just doing squats and leaving) but maintaining the non-negotiable daily commitment.

“that doesn't mean that you're going to go to the gym for an hour every day it might mean that you reduce the scope or duration of your workout might mean you just go in and do some squats and then come home what it does mean is that you're going every day”