Modern Culture Is Traumatizing and NOT Normal! With Dr. Gabor Maté

The two fundamental human needs are attachment (the drive to be close to another body for caretaking or being cared for, grounded in the fact that human infants are the most helpless and dependent of all mammals) and authenticity (the capacity to be oneself), and when these two needs collide in childhood—when maintaining authenticity would result in loss of attachment—authenticity is sacrificed every time because attachment is survival-critical.

“we have this deep attachment need but we also have a need for authenticity and by authenticity I don't mean any sort of fancy new age concept... now why is that necessary... so that our authentic self is no fancy Concept in fact it's essential for survival... we have this need to be attached for sure and then we just need to be authentic to be at ourselves what happens when the two needs collide what happens when paraphazes the situation that if I want to stay if I want to be myself I'll lose my father ultimately if I want to beat my father I have to lose myself... when children are confronted with this dilemma that I can have my own feelings and my own reactions but if I do I will not be accepted there's no contest the authenticity gets sacrificed every time”

Three months ago, The New York Times reported as 'amazing new finding' that women who are depressed and have breast cancer have poorer prognosis, showing that emotional states affect malignancy physiology; however, in 1870, American surgeon James Paget documented this same connection, calling it an 'unavoidable observation' so common it could not be ignored, yet this science was forgotten and had to be 'rediscovered.'

“The New York Times recently New York Times by the way being such a forward-looking pioneering newspaper keeps rediscovering the wheel and uh three or four weeks ago no three or four months ago they had an article reporting some amazing new finding that women who are depressed and who are breast cancer have a poorer prognosis in other words that the mind or emotional states affects the physiology of malignancy this was presented like big new news you know in 1870 there was an American surgeon called James Paget who's still very Remembered in the annals of Medicine who talked about the unavoidable observation about the connection between Women's Law moods and their risk of malignancy”

Psychological and emotional adaptations made in childhood to maintain attachment relationships are not consciously made—people think they ARE them, identifying with them as personality traits—and because survival was associated with these adaptations, it is terrifying to give them up even in adulthood when they threaten integrity and health.

“these psychological adjustments that organisms have to make to maintain our attachment relationships we're not even aware of them we think we are them we think that's our personality we identify with them and sins are survival was associated with these adaptations it's terrifying to give them up even in adulthood if we're at all even conscious of them”

The Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh taught about 'interbeing'—not that we are separate beings that interconnect, but that we are our interconnections, meaning 'we enter our' rather than we are isolated entities that relate.

“the great Buddhist teacher tecnadhan who died just less than a year ago he he talked about intervene he says it's not that we are he says it's that we enter our”

Inauthenticity is deeply rewarded in modern culture—monetized, celebrated, and tied to wealth and power accumulation—creating perverse incentives where the more inauthentic you are (the better performer), the more status and resources you accumulate, making authenticity economically punished.

“and not only is it deep it's rewarded it's rewarded and you can see that in the comment like demise of so many of our celebrities who could not have attained higher states of adulation and public worship then they flame out tragically because what the public worship wasn't the real person they didn't even know the real person and the real person was suffering from the inauthenticity deep inside”

Rainier Maria Rilke, in his 'Letters to a Young Poet,' writes: 'Do not allow yourself to be confused in your aloneness by something within you that wishes to be released from it; this very wish, if you will calmly and deliberately use it as a tool, will help to expand your solitude into far distant realms.' He argues that struggling with one's authentic aloneness is not something to escape but to embrace and expand through.

“the first one is from Rainier mayor Wilke and he says in his letters to Young poet something that speaks to the sense of authenticity versus attachment and he writes do not allow yourself to be confused in your aloneness by something within you that wishes to be released from it this very wish if you will calmly and deliberately use it as a tool will help to expand your Solitude into the far distant realms to explore your aloneness don't reject it”

Thomas Merton, the Catholic monk and spiritual teacher, wrote in his biography 'Seven Story Mountain' multiple decades before Facebook: 'What a strange existence it is to live only in other people's imaginations.' This inauthenticity is deep in modern culture and is not merely tolerated—it is rewarded.

“Thomas Merton the Catholic monk and um spiritual teacher wrote in his biography seven-story modern what a strange existence it is to live only in other people's imaginations and this was multiple decades before Facebook”

Dante Alighieri, writing in the late 13th century, begins his Divine Comedy with the Inferno where the first line is 'Midway through life I lost the path,' expressing that at midlife people lose their authentic way and find themselves in a dark forest. This is not a modern observation but an ancient one—people have always faced the existential crisis of losing their authentic self.

“um Dante who wrote In the late 13th century I think or was it the early 13th century in his infernal in his Divine Comedy he begins The inferno's Divide oh sorry the Divine comet is divided into three parts Inferno or Hell Purgatory or or heaven really Paradiso Paradise... it begins with The Inferno and his first line is Midway Midway through life I lost the path”

The gap between cultural norms (what is statistically normal in modern society) and what is authentically normal for human beings in terms of evolution, human requirements, and human potential is the source of widespread dysfunction across mental, emotional, psychological, spiritual, physiological, and social-political domains.

“what is considered normal in this culture that is to say what is the statistical Norm it's got nothing to do with what is normal for human beings in general and it's that gap between the norm in this culture and what is really the norm in terms of human evolution and human requirements and human potential that is the source of so much dysfunction whether on the mental emotional psychological spiritual physiological or social political levels”

When people act greedily or selfishly, we say 'that's just human nature,' but when people act generously or kindly, we rarely apply the same label despite those being genuine expressions of human nature; greed and selfishness are capacities humans possess, but they are not our fundamental nature.

“when somebody does something selfish or greedy what do we say we say oh that's just human nature but there's an assumption in that about human nature interestingly enough it's rarely the case that somebody does something generous or kind or supportive people say oh that's just human nature and yet in actual truth that is human nature and the greed and the selfish are not human nature”

Our brains and nervous systems are not separate entities; interpersonal neurobiology shows that how one person relates to another—their energetic state, tone, presence—directly affects the other's nervous system, meaning we co-create each other constantly across the lifespan, with particularly strong influence from parents but present throughout life.

“how I relate to you my energetic state when I look at you or speak to you or vice versa actually affects your nervous system so we co-create each other all the time this co-creation this interpersonal neurobiology is the most dominant of course remember small and very much in the influence of our parents and their particular backgrounds”

Studying human nature from how we live in modern society is like studying a wild animal inside a cage—drawing conclusions about zebra nature from zoo behavior would be deeply misleading, and similarly, concluding about human nature from modern civilization is fundamentally flawed because we have removed ourselves from the environment in which we evolved.

“try to understand the zebra where would you want to study the zebra in a zoo in a small cage in a zoo or out in the savannah where the zero evolved and has lived well if you really want to stand the nature of the zebra you wouldn't study them in a zoo and and so drawing conclusions about human nature from how we live in this Society is like to understand a wild animal inside a cage”

Psychologists once thought human infants were 'tabula rasa' (blank slates) that could be programmed any way desired, similar to how behaviorists could condition rats by placing sugar on one side of a cage and electrical shocks on the other. This behavioral view assumed human children could be programmed like rats, but this turned out to be incorrect.

“the psychologists used to think that human infants are just um what is called a tabular Russia an empty slate you can just write anything on it and program them any old way that's kind of the behaviorist View you know is that you can just program kids to be any old way like you can program a rat you know you you um you want them to come to one side of the cage you put sugar there you want them to avoid the other side of the cage you put electrical shocks into the wiring at the bottom of the cage they'll avoid that side go to the sugar so it was thought that human kids are like that you're just gonna program them any old way you want turns out it's not like that not in the least like that”

The concept of authenticity is not a fancy new-age idea but rather the capacity to be oneself—to have one's own feelings, concepts, interpretations, and sense of self—and this capacity is essential for survival because in nature, if you are not in touch with your gut feelings, you cannot survive.

“by authenticity I don't mean any sort of fancy new age concept I'm talking about our capacity to be ourselves like Tara is struggling to be herself here but their own Concepts her own interpretations her own sense of herself now why is that necessary... if you go back to how we evolved which is out there in nature just how long do you survive if you're not in touch with your feelings if you're not in touch with the gut feeling specifically”

Sir William Osler, around 1880-1890, asserted that rheumatoid arthritis was a disease of stress and vexation based purely on observation and intuition without physiological research to support it; since then, multiple dozens of studies have documented the relationship between trauma, stress, and rheumatoid arthritis, yet rheumatologists still never ask patients about their life histories or traumas.

“very famous Canadian physician who was knighted by Queen Victoria and was also one of the founding physicians at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore Sir William Osler he said around 1880 or 1890 that rheumatoid arthritis was a disease only to stress and the vexation at that time he had no physiological research to support that assertion he was just trusting his intuition and his observation now since then there's been multiple dozens of studies showing a relationship between trauma and stress and rheumatoid arthritis”

The speaker quotes the ancient Greek playwright Aeschylus (2,500 years ago) from The Agamemnon: 'We have to suffer suffer into truth'—meaning truth is born through suffering. One intention of the workshop and the speaker's book is to help people gain authenticity before suffering forces the lesson.

“I'm quoting here the Greek play right escalism 2500 years ago who in his play the Agamemnon said that the way Zeus the master created us is that we have to suffer suffer into truth”

Jean-Martin Charcot, a 19th-century French neurologist, first described and named multiple sclerosis and attributed it to stress, vexation, and grief; multiple studies since then have validated this observation and researchers have identified the physiological pathways explaining the connection, yet this understanding is institutionally ignored.

“the first person who described it was a French neurologist 19th century sort of a contemporary of pagets and ozlers his name was jean-latan charcoal and um he's the one that first named or described this condition he said he was caused by stress and vexation and grief multiple studies since then have shown the accuracy of that observation we even have the physiological Pathways to understand why that would be the case but it's like it's not it's like this science never existed”

The speaker argues that people should embrace the tension between authenticity and attachment rather than resolving it by sacrificing authenticity. In this culture, people are induced to go for attachment—to be part of the group, think like the group, dress like the group, vote like the group, never have independent thoughts—and the result is that many people reach midlife wondering 'who the heck am I anyway' and 'who's life am I leading.'

“people are always induced to go for the attachment to be part of the group to think as the group to look like the group to dress like the group to vote to say in politics to think the same thoughts never to have an independent thought of Their Own and then no wonder there's so many then so many of us get to midlife and we start wondering well who the heck am I anyway and who's left am I leading”

In modern Western culture, a core inauthenticity is that people identify themselves with externals—how they look, how successful they are, what they own, what they attain, their roles, how people perceive them—and then depending on how those externals go, they either feel good or terrible about themselves. The word 'identity' comes from Latin 'idem' (same) and 'facere' (to make), so we literally make ourselves the same as our roles and people's perceptions.

“in this culture one of the inner authenticities of the culture is that we identify ourselves with so many externals how we look how successful we are what we own what we acquire what we attain our roles how do people see us so we identify with all these externals then depending how those externals go we either feel good or terrible about ourselves because we identify now the word identity identify it's called a Latin Source Eden which is the same and for chair to make so we make ourselves the same as our roles in the world and as people's perceptions of us”

Humans evolved as communal creatures for 150,000-200,000 years in small band hunter-gatherer groups; if human existence is scaled to one hour, only the last six minutes has involved life outside communal contexts, making communal interdependence our true nature.

“our species 150 200 000 years ago if you just look at our species if our existence can be summed up in an hour then until about six minutes ago we lived in small band hunter-gatherer groups in a communal context and we evolved in that and that is our nature”

Illness is not a unique isolated event in an isolated separate physiological organism or organ, but a manifestation of a life lived in a certain context, reflecting the interconnected nature of biology and environment.

“what happens to us physiologically and specifically from the medical point of view when illness shows up it is not uh unique isolated event in some isolated separate physiological organism or organ but in fact it's a manifestation of a life lived in a certain context”

A UCLA rheumatologist who read the speaker's book 'When the Body Says No' about the mind-body connection in illness began asking patients about their life histories and traumas; she has now achieved much greater clinical success and many patients no longer need medication, but she requests anonymity in the book because her colleagues would be very upset.

“I know a rheumatologist here at UCLA who having read my book when the body says no which is about the mind-body connection and health and illness started asking patients about their life histories and traumas and I wasn't Justified that by gender even because she did okay I just did she said I quoted her in a book but she said don't identify me because my colleagues will be so upset but she says that when she works with patients now she's got such greater success because she talks to them about their lives and very often they can do without medication now”

Science has amply documented the interconnected co-arising of phenomena across all realms, but modern Western culture selectively relates only to science that justifies and supports the current way of life, social-economic system, and medical practice, completely ignoring the science showing interconnected causation.

“that Unity that Oneness that interconnected nature of the core rising of phenomena has been amply more than amply documented by Western science so we think we're living in a scientific age but actually it's a very selective relation to the science that we have we relate only to the science that justifies or supports this particular way of life this particular social economic system this particular way of practicing medicine but we completely ignore the science that shows the interconnected core rising of phenomena”

David Foster Wallace, in a commencement address years before his suicide, told a parable of two young fish encountering an older fish who asks 'how's the water?' The young fish continue swimming and one later asks the other 'what the hell is water?' Wallace's point: the most obvious, ubiquitous, and important realities are often the hardest to see and talk about. In day-to-day adult existence, these banal platitudes have 'life or death importance.'

“he did a commencement address at a college some years before he committed suicide so I'll read I'll quote it from the book the late David Foster Wallace Master Wordsmith author and essayist once opened the commencement speech with a draw parable that well illustrates the trouble with normality the story concerns two fish Crossing aquatic paths with an elder of their species who greets tangovially morning boys how's the water and the two young fish swim on for a bit and then eventually one of them looks over to the other and says goes what the hell is water”