If you're not trying to be righteous, you still use your background, experience, and knowledge to make the best choice you can; you just hold it loosely rather than defensively.

To overcome upper limits, the practice is to integrate the goodness through grounding (sweeping floors, watching silly movies, taking baths) that allows the nervous system to recognize and settle into higher well-being.

Good sex requires psychological safety (knowing kids are fine, won't be interrupted, enough time) and physiological conditions (relaxation, openness); most people don't set these conditions.

A more direct way to challenge stories is to have people argue the opposite position as if their life depends on it, or physically move to the opposite side and argue from there.

Activists and advocates with righteous opinions trying to force change perpetuate the problem; authentic change requires dropping righteousness first.

Most change efforts just 'move the deck chairs around on the titanic'—they appear to change but fundamentally remain the same reactive patterns.

Once someone realizes the specific choices/beliefs they've enacted to create a problem (e.g., mediocre sex), the solution is simply to do the opposite—no therapist or coach needed, only the willingness to make uncomfortable choices

At Chapman's retreats, participants are asked to exaggerate and perform their disowned parts publicly (dressed as characters, playing out 'insensitive' at dinner) so they can experience the part consciously, find its value, and bring it into their full response range

Chapman identifies that one key unlock to 'getting out of our own way' (and thus solving major societal and interpersonal problems) is deep interpersonal work around loving the parts of ourselves and others that feel most threatening or unacceptable

Diana leads with body intelligence (BQ) rather than intellectual or emotional; she experiences knowing directly through sensation and gut feel without intellectual data.

Anything other than a whole body yes is a no; this practice raises the bar for commitments and prevents settling for 'good' instead of 'exquisite.'

Most people don't know what a whole body yes vs. no feels like because it's not trained; it's a skill that can be developed by practicing on small decisions (menu choices, routes) before applying to big ones.

Diana's current practice is responding to callings to 'make space'—cutting back like pruning fruit trees removes dead wood so new growth flourishes more fully.

Gay Hendricks taught Diana about the upper limits problem: people unconsciously limit how good they can feel/have based on family patterns about acceptable levels of happiness.

Diana is actively working on her own upper limits, expanding the ceiling for how good life can be, experiencing constant humming/ecstatic aliveness.

Diana's whole life is devoted to how good it can be, especially through giving her gifts in ways that serve and meaningfully support others.

Diana was not taught much about sex growing up; she discovered that sexual intimacy could be much better than 'good' and started learning everything about couple sexuality.

Many people have unhappy sex lives because they don't know how good it could be or don't have tools to create conditions for good sex; they're grieving this loss.

Sexual trauma needs to be healed in therapy; if unaddressed, it will continuously affect the sexual relationship and intimacy.

We are all like the people who bug us; understanding this creates compassion and prevents the internal wars of self-rejection.